procrastination

a lot has happened to me since the last time I've written here, but i won't get into that. there's this feeling that i have involving Hope's brother. it's something odd and it leaves my body shaken. i had this dream with him; we were running away from ghosts with our hands clasped tight. i know, i know-- this is just a dream. but i don't understand why i can't talk to him. i mean i used to know him, granted not very well but still there's was a certain "bond" there. (i use bond because of the lack of words to describe what it is). i used to be outgoing and happy, now i'm just paranoid and searching. i really want to talk to him again but i don't know how to go about it. he's so damned intimidating! and he's always busy. i feel the need to talk with him & i need to do it before school lets out in the beginning of next month. i doubt i'll do it, but maybe luck will be on my side and arrange a chance meeting between us.

i just go blank when i see him and my body turns limp. =\ this has never happened to me before. maybe links to the past should never be brought up. it sounds like an infatuation, but it isn't, it's something more.... like a feeling ???