so lately i've been feeling really down; like i'm about to break anytime. i've been crying a lot again and even little things spark this. also i've noticed that i get very emotional around Michael even when we're just speaking over the phone, actually it happens more when we're on the phone together. i think we're falling out of love...
or at least i think he's falling out of love with me. here i am struggling with trying to figure out if i am in love with him; (i know i love him a lot!!) and i always realize this shit out late. i hope this isn't really happening... i want this to be at least semi-permanent if it can't be eternal.
how pathetic. once i've mastered not having any feelings for anyone beyond friendship here he comes along and bam! just when i stopped believing in love, maybe i still don't know what it is. i can feel myself starting to become distant and i'm not sure if i'm using this just as a defense mechanism. Nora left a comment--"love is an invention" she said she had forgotten about that...
i really don't know anything anymore about everything. i've lost passion for things i enjoyed and now i don't even know if i ever had any at all. i am a shell of my former self, a very cracked shell. i'm completely hollow and it scares me. i want to be happy again. i'm living in a coma. someone resuscitate me (Michael).
i'm addicted to feeling loved. does this come with emotional attachments?
i really don't know how to explain all of this. i need someone to talk to, a stranger. someone to feel close to, to build a strong emotional bond to share only to more than likely sever it. just like everything and everyone else. =\
i am a poor invention. make me a meeting with a 45 magnum.
i'm missing him already =(...
2 comments:
Gostei muito desse post e seu blog é muito interessante, vou passar por aqui sempre =) Depois dá uma passada lá no meu site, que é sobre o CresceNet, espero que goste. O endereço dele é http://www.provedorcrescenet.com . Um abraço.
Well I'm not quite a stranger but I can pretend to be one. I didn't mean to spark anything by reminding you of that quote. It's just that I remembered us being fascinated by it. I want you to know that as creepy at it might be, I read your blog to see what you're up to. It seems like we hardly talk and I know we both have separated a lot and it really does make me sad. If you feel crappy in Arizona with so many friends I wonder if you can imagine me here all by myself. I read your blog and it felt almost like we were on the same page. I hate using such a term but I know there is no other name for it. I'm depressed. I come home from work and go to bed... at 6 PM, I don't want to go out, I cry over everything, I feel like my life is out of control, I'm drowning in debt, and Jeffrey is on the page before me. I don't know why Corina you insist on trying to find new friends. Maybe you were never able to fully trust me and I'm not sure why but I always felt like I could tell you everything. At one point I even felt like I was closer to you than anyone. But the truth was that I never felt like I was good enough or that I would ever be able to be as good of a friend as Cookie is. And now, it seems like everyone is a better friend than me. All of this, I'm just writing so you'll realize that you're not alone. Even if I'm 600 miles away I'm still here for you, and you know that if either you or Marilyn needed me at any point I would sell my soul to get money to be there for you. You guys are the most valuable things in my life and I really do love you. Enough though about me. What's happening to you right now with Michael is normal. You're always going to feel like you love more than the other, unless of course you definitely don't love him. Love isn't easy, it's a lot of patience, pride swallowing and at the same time following your instinct. You have to wait for a lot of things, you and Michael just started and you have to take time to slow down and ask yourself where you want to take it. Listen to me when I tell you that you should never feel like Michael is doing you a favor. You are very capable of being loved. If any guy was asked what kind of a girl they would like to have a "semi permanent" relationship with they would describe a girl like you, smart, funny, good looking, adventurous, etc etc. Don't put yourself down Corina, think about the Secret! I just want you to know that no matter what I promise to be a better friend this 2008. I know it's your turn to have a great boyfriend, you've earned it so don't let it slip out of your hands girl. Grab that Michael and tell him how much you love him and kiss him like there is no tomorrow. And take it one step at a time. I love you Corina take good care of yourself.
Post a Comment